Slacker Jacks

I feel like I’ve been steadily consuming a huge box of Slacker jacks. And the prize at the bottom? EPIC FAILURE, DISAPPOINTMENT, AND A LIFE OF RETAIL!

These taste like despair and self-loathing.

These taste like despair and self-loathing.

Every time I have a terrible shift I redouble my efforts to find a new job. But then I just get depressed. Because there aren’t any new jobs. I mean, if I really wanted to work at a different grocery store. Or an auto parts store. Or prostitute myself. Then, yeah, I’d have tons of options. But the point is to find something better and not just new.  All retail is really the same. All customers are assholes. And I really need to stop working with the public before I never go outside again because I see douches and morons everywhere. Everywhere. 

But I keep making the same excuse not to just move to Columbus, Ohio and become some sort of midwesterner. This trip Ireland. I have been really concerned with a new job being like, “Oh yeah, you just started here. Take 10 days off.” /sarcasmfont

So, once I get back in three weeks. IT IS ON. You hear that Slacker Jacks? You’re going in the trash. I’m going to Trader Joe’s and getting some bulk, organic… Successios. Whatever. Success is much more difficult to make into a snack or cereal. Productiveites? That sounds like some form of amoeba. Well…you guys know what I want to do there. Just pretend that I came up with some really good thing. Or stick with the amoeba, if you’re into Biology or something,

As it turns out, if I fail horribly, my current place of employment is apparently not above taking you back if you just walk out one day. So there’s that.

Also, prostitution is always there. The service industry is basically that, anyways.

I imagine most of my clientele like this.

I imagine most of my clientele like this.


Well… Christmas IS a holiday…


Merry ChrismaHannuKwanzica?

This is a post by one of the people I know from college: “To those of you who don’t know, I consider my self a Christian. I believe in the teachings of Peace and Love of Jesus Christ. As a Christian I will be celebrating Christmas, not the Holidays. This whole PC bullshit is irritating and the fact that I am not welcome in Target because I asked someone to wish me Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays (we got in an argument is the rest of that story) is too far.”

The post actually goes much further than that. Going into how he respects all his friends and their religions and therefore they should respect his desire to be told Merry Christmas. He also mentions in a comment that the cashier told him “Happy Holidays” and that he told her he preferred “Merry Christmas”. Apparently she was  “pissy” about not doing  it, at least in his words. She expressed the fact that she didn’t like that he was forcing his views on her. So he responded… He called her, as he puts it, a word that “starts with C and rhymes with punt”, told her she has a candy cane up her ass, and that he hoped she was crushed to death in a Christmas shopping rush


I’m sorry. WHAT.

Cashiers should really do the best they can to avoid being rude. Part of the job is dealing with difficult situations and when you excel at that you get promotions and more money. It’s what you sign up for, sadly.  I find that laughing when people say horrendous things usually prevents me from launching myself at them or stringing together several choice words that are inappropriate for the work place. But, there have been times (especially in the last month) where I absolutely have to mumble under my breath and force myself to not make eye contact because the person is being so heinous and so rude that if I were to look up I would lose my job in about 15 seconds. People really think that the cashier (as well as other employees of the business) are their personal employees. People honestly believe that they are always right because dammit the customer is ALWAYS RIGHT. One day I am going to go back in time and beat the person who came up with that phrase right before they speak it for the first time. The public has absolutely clung to that absurd nonsense and flung it in the face of every customer service representative in history ever since.

Given all that, not once have I had anyone treat me the way that my old college acquaintance treated that Target cashier. Anyone who wished death on me would have more to worry about than getting thrown out of the store and that’s a fact. Fear of losing my job would be so far out of my head at that point…

I did respond to his post. Stating that I think it’s great he can respect his friends and all that. But that to expect a cashier in a store to bend to his whims on a personal level like religious preference is a bit absurd. There are corporate rules at every single place I have ever worked that specifically prevent you from wishing anyone anything outside of “Happy Holidays” ever. No matter what they say to you. Yes, being PC is a pain in the ass for some people. But gosh it is a lot easier than getting the pants sued off of you for wishing the wrong person to enjoy the wrong holiday. Do I think it’s stupid that people get bent out of shape for being wished a merry christmas instead of happy hannukah? To an extent. Do I think it’s stupid for people to throw a temper tantrum reminiscent of the terrible twos in a Target because they believe in jesus and want that belief reinforced by other people telling them that they want them to have a good time celebrating the day that religious figure was supposedly born? Yes. I do. Overall I think everyone just needs to chill out. Enjoy celebrating whatever it is you may or may not celebrate in December. Be thankful to be alive, with family or friends or pets, and in a time and place where one of our biggest complaints is that the cashier wished us the wrong kind of damn holiday cheer.

That’s what the holiday season is supposed to be about across the board, right? A time of being thankful and happy and giving. Appreciating the past year and looking forward to a fresh start in the next. Providing the world doesn’t end on the 21st, anyway.