How to ultimately fail at keeping a promise to write blogs. Also updates.

Well, like I usually do, I only remember to write here when there has been some sort of development and then I promise myself that I will be awesome and write more often and bla bla bla. And then inevitably I become caught up in the rest of life and this falls to the wayside.

It totally does NOT help that my f key is broken and I have to ctrl+v every time I want it.

Excuses, excuses.


But! There has been a development. I completed my internship with Borgen Project back in September. The whole experience solidified my desire to work as a writer full time. But reminded me how difficult that actually is to pull off as well. It also brought out something that I didn’t really expect.

I realized that I want to work for non-profits. I mean I want to make a profit because I have grown really attached to being alive and eating and living in a place with walls and shit. I just really got into the idea of working for a greater cause. Of working to help people and make the world a better place. That, too, is hard to get into.

Borgen actually had an opening for a paid position that I didn’t even get an interview for. That’s okay, though. I’m sure someone more qualified got the job.

So I have just been plugging along at my dead end grocery store job. Making money and doing my best to keep from going totally insane.

When I came back from Ireland, though, I decided to sign up for a website called flexjobs. It is really very neat. You have to pay, of course. But you get access to a TON of online, telecommute, part-time, full-time, flexible jobs. Like writing or design or whatever artsy thing you’re into. And I mean real at home jobs. Not the “give us all your money and we will let you stuff envelopes at home” jobs. But really businesses that are either internet based with no building at all. Or a business with a brick and mortar situation and no desire to have another employee taking up space. They also may just want to open the job up to people in other citites.

So I sat down the other day and applied to 6 jobs.

By the next day I had an email from CEM about a content writing job.

That night I had a phone interview.

And a job offer.

Now it isn’t totally glam or anything. I work for $12.50 an hour starting out. After a two week probation I either get let go, stay where I am, or have a chance to test into the senior writing level. Which means more money. More work, but more money.

At the moment I am opting to stay at my current job, especially since there is really no guarantee that I will even get to move forward. Although I think I will. I also want to make sure that this is something I am not only good at, but something I can sit down and make myself do for hours a day in order to make enough money to live on. I also worry that, while they have a lot of projects and not enough writers right now, the situation could change very quickly and I wouldn’t be making enough money anymore.

The work so far is pretty boring. They want a 1000 an hours output. I seem to be averaging 840 right now. Not bad for just starting out. It’s all very keyword driven. You know, that word vomit that no one really ever reads that is just supposed to get someone’s name up higher in google searches. I did some blogs on chiropractic for them tonight that were a bit more interesting than the other stuff.

Again, not glamorous. But it’s a job writing. And that is a step in the right direction.

I have also been doing some freelance work with blogmutt. They’re a crowdsourcing web site that gets clients to pay for blog posts to promote their business and get more clicks to their site. I go through as the writer and choose which people I want to write for and then write like 350 words on a chosen keyword. Like fashion tips or party ideas or valentine’s day. This writing is actually really enjoyable. I don’t get credit for it, but I get to have a voice and learn some stuff and be creative with it. Unlike the CEM stuff.

And then I had another response to a resume that I sent in. A fashion site has selected me as a possibility for a job blogging for them. It’s 200 blogs a month. $5 a blog. So $1000  month. The writing is really basic. You find an item and a picture of it. Write a description. Done. It could be tricky getting the item and formatting the picture. But once you get into it would be a cinch to bust those out. So something else I can pursue.

Maybe the trick right now is to cobble together a bunch of different writing jobs instead of trying to rely on one or even just find one that can be an everything job.


OH. I also have an interview for a promotion at the grocery store tomorrow.


Well I am doing my very best to keep a positive outlook on all this new found stress I fell into. I am actually writing every day whether it is in my journal or for money. And that’s more than I can say about the last few years. I also just have to keep reminding myself that I want this. I want this chance and this change and not only do I want it, I absofuckinglutely need this shit. I need it before I lose my mind already. And get stuck at a menial job for an eternity.

2014 go!


Failure Frenzy

We just went grocery shopping. And even though we saved a total of $32 ($10 of that was coupons! Oh yeah!), I’m still having a minor panic attack about spending money. Granted, food is kind of a necessity. It isn’t like I went out and spent almost $200 on shoes or home decor or something. But swiping that card and knowing I have a little less money is painful.

As a result, I start struggling with the idea of being a failure. I mean, it’s been 2 whole weeks and I don’t have a new job! In fact, I lost the other job! I must suck.

While my release from my prior job was considerably unjust and an attempt by my former employer to cut some costs, I can’t help feeling like if I had been better he would have kept me on. Of course it doesn’t help that I was literally the most expensive employee he had out of 2 stores, next to the manager above me. And he would have to be completely insane to let that manager go. Chris has been there 6 years. He lived in Georgia for 2 months and opened a store that isn’t even in his region. All because our boss asked him to. He does all of the catering and is perfectly okay with working upwards of 70 – 80 hours in one week. Like I said, Chris is not going anywhere.

I, on the other hand, was an hourly employee and not on salary like Chris. I couldn’t work more that 45 hours a week. There’s no way in hell I would move to Georgia for 2 months and live in hotel to open a new store. And I’ve never catered a single thing. I already have my degree and have been praying to the job gods for years that I would stumble on a better opportunity. In short, I was a flight risk. An expensive flight risk.

Doesn’t mean I don’t need the money. Doesn’t mean that the job market isn’t non-existent. Especially for those of us specializing in things like Literature. Doesn’t mean that I didn’t work my butt off for 4 years and do way more than was ever expected of me or of normal food service managers. And it definitely doesn’t mean that I should be cut off with no warning.

But enough whining. I have to cope with the fact that things happened the way that they did.

So, how do I go about that?

  • Write a blog about it [X]
  • Find a friend to listen [X]
  • Hold my Bachelor’s degree and cry [X]
  • Apply to everything that is even sort of related to my skills [X]
  • Remind myself that I am not a failure [X]
  • Write angry things about my prior job in a private journal [X]
  • Realize that 2 weeks is hardly enough time to find another job in this job climate. [X]
  • Try as hard as I can to remember that I am awesome and better than that job and the people that I worked for and see this as the best opportunity I have to make something of myself. [X]

It gets difficult sometimes. One of the biggest struggles I’ve had in my life is realizing that I AM good enough. I AM capable. And that the only person that can keep me back from being amazing, is myself and my own insecurities. Well that and the bosses who don’t want to hire more people because their business is hemorrhaging money.

So. Time to take a big breath, put on my big girl pants, and kick the world (and myself) in the ass.