Well… Christmas IS a holiday…

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Merry ChrismaHannuKwanzica?

This is a post by one of the people I know from college: “To those of you who don’t know, I consider my self a Christian. I believe in the teachings of Peace and Love of Jesus Christ. As a Christian I will be celebrating Christmas, not the Holidays. This whole PC bullshit is irritating and the fact that I am not welcome in Target because I asked someone to wish me Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays (we got in an argument is the rest of that story) is too far.”

The post actually goes much further than that. Going into how he respects all his friends and their religions and therefore they should respect his desire to be told Merry Christmas. He also mentions in a comment that the cashier told him “Happy Holidays” and that he told her he preferred “Merry Christmas”. Apparently she was  “pissy” about not doing  it, at least in his words. She expressed the fact that she didn’t like that he was forcing his views on her. So he responded… He called her, as he puts it, a word that “starts with C and rhymes with punt”, told her she has a candy cane up her ass, and that he hoped she was crushed to death in a Christmas shopping rush

WHAT.

I’m sorry. WHAT.

Cashiers should really do the best they can to avoid being rude. Part of the job is dealing with difficult situations and when you excel at that you get promotions and more money. It’s what you sign up for, sadly.  I find that laughing when people say horrendous things usually prevents me from launching myself at them or stringing together several choice words that are inappropriate for the work place. But, there have been times (especially in the last month) where I absolutely have to mumble under my breath and force myself to not make eye contact because the person is being so heinous and so rude that if I were to look up I would lose my job in about 15 seconds. People really think that the cashier (as well as other employees of the business) are their personal employees. People honestly believe that they are always right because dammit the customer is ALWAYS RIGHT. One day I am going to go back in time and beat the person who came up with that phrase right before they speak it for the first time. The public has absolutely clung to that absurd nonsense and flung it in the face of every customer service representative in history ever since.

Given all that, not once have I had anyone treat me the way that my old college acquaintance treated that Target cashier. Anyone who wished death on me would have more to worry about than getting thrown out of the store and that’s a fact. Fear of losing my job would be so far out of my head at that point…

I did respond to his post. Stating that I think it’s great he can respect his friends and all that. But that to expect a cashier in a store to bend to his whims on a personal level like religious preference is a bit absurd. There are corporate rules at every single place I have ever worked that specifically prevent you from wishing anyone anything outside of “Happy Holidays” ever. No matter what they say to you. Yes, being PC is a pain in the ass for some people. But gosh it is a lot easier than getting the pants sued off of you for wishing the wrong person to enjoy the wrong holiday. Do I think it’s stupid that people get bent out of shape for being wished a merry christmas instead of happy hannukah? To an extent. Do I think it’s stupid for people to throw a temper tantrum reminiscent of the terrible twos in a Target because they believe in jesus and want that belief reinforced by other people telling them that they want them to have a good time celebrating the day that religious figure was supposedly born? Yes. I do. Overall I think everyone just needs to chill out. Enjoy celebrating whatever it is you may or may not celebrate in December. Be thankful to be alive, with family or friends or pets, and in a time and place where one of our biggest complaints is that the cashier wished us the wrong kind of damn holiday cheer.

That’s what the holiday season is supposed to be about across the board, right? A time of being thankful and happy and giving. Appreciating the past year and looking forward to a fresh start in the next. Providing the world doesn’t end on the 21st, anyway.

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Things I don’t understand about customers.

You complain to me.

We don’t have senior discounts. We don’ t take EBT. We don’t carry that brand of whatever anymore.  We don’t provide enough food at our sampling event. We are out of whatever. That lady let her kids get candy out of the bulk bin with their sticky hands.

None of these things has anything to do with me or my existence. Not in any way shape or form. There is nothing I can do about it. I can’t order different products, force the bakery to make more things, follow mothers around the store, etc. I really can’t. And what’s more? I don’t actually give  a shit.
You seriously fail to understand the concept of carts.

The store I work at has three item carrying options. The big metal carts, the green plastic baskets, and these weird bastard combinations where you can stack two green baskets to make a little cart. I see so many people making poor cart choices.

Old people are constantly getting those huge carts. For an avocado. Or a muffin. What the hell? You might be 90 but you’re really telling me that the muffin was beyond your ability to hold?  And now you want a bag for it too? Or some lady will come up with one of the tiny green baskets totally overflowing with stuff. Crap is falling on the floor and if you move it the wrong way everything starts to collapse. Men are the most amusing, though. Apparently asking for directions is not the only pride-injuring thing out there. Grabbing a cart when you can no longer hold the 16 items you’re buying is too. They’ll walk up with everything stacked precariously between their hands and chin or propped in their armpits. It’s easy. Make a freaking list and then use your critical analysis powers to deduce what size conveyance you need. Done.

You are perpetually confused by how to use the credit/debit machine.

Every single store in the world, basically, has one of these machines. You swipe the card. It prompts you to do various things. You do it. You leave. Every 10 minutes I have someone glaring at this machine in contempt. Like it’s trying to trick them.

Why does it want my zip code?? Hell I don’t know. You can’t pay for this without putting it in, so get over it. What do I push now? Which is enter? Seriously? There are two universal colors that mean the same thing no matter what. Green = yes, go, accept, enter. Red = no, stop, decline, cancel. Always. For everything. When would red ever mean enter? Why are you still punching the machine with that little plastic pen? It say processing. It has to process, so chill the hell out. Or keep smacking it. That might work too.

You blame me for…everything.

I had a lady actually try to come into the office while I was counting my money at the end of the shift to tell me that I needed to “get out there” because there were like four people in each line. No. I’m done with my shift. Get out and go wait in line. This is a grocery store, you do that. Go to Walmart on a Saturday morning and see why 4 people to a line is nothing. Don’t tell me I need to “get another person up here right now to help.” Like who? You? Are you going to get on a register and ring up these lovely people? No? Right. All the people here are the people here. I can’t clone myself or make a gollum, so just wait.

Oh your check didn’t clear? Your card was declined? That would be your fault. You don’t have enough money to buy the $200 worth of snacks and alcohol you’ve put before me. This woman actually was going to call her bank and put them on the phone with me. Me! Apparently I cut her paychecks.

You assume I am uneducated.

Don’t tell your brat of a child that if “they aren’t careful they could end up a cashier.” Are you serious? Well maybe one day they too can accrue thousands of dollars worth of student loan debt to scan stuff at the local high-end, over-priced, snooty ass grocery store! People are honestly freaking surprised when I tell them that I do, in fact, have a degree. Like someone was supposed to hand me my diploma and appropriate job assignment the day of graduation.

You go out of your way to be complicated.

So you’ve collected approximately $336 worth of “organic” spaghetti, potato chips, mini cupcakes, and some weird drink with chia seeds in it (yes, chia seeds. The seeds that produce chia pets. I am riveted to know what the health benefits of this could be…).

I start scanning and the courtesy clerk starts bagging. Half way through you remember that all the way at the bottom of the cart, under 6 bottles of wine, are your reusable bags. Or you really need paper bags. Out comes everything from plastic and we get to start over.

Oh and that tomato was $5…that’s too much just put that back for you? Sure. Let me void that and walk back over to produce for you…

Now you’re half way through paying with a credit card and realize you wanted to pay for half of it in cash. Cancel, cancel, cancel. And I have to wait for you to rummage around in you D&G purse for that $100 bill.

Now, you suddenly need cash back after you’re already done and I’ve started on another person.

Now you realize that the bottom of your container of figs is sticky and you want a refund.

Long story short?

Get your shit together!