Picture credit:

Picture credit:

I think I must be really good at getting internships, even if I seem terrible at getting real jobs. Maybe that can be my thing. I can work terrible jobs to make money and then do a lot of side work for internships doing stuff I like. It would probably be pretty annoying, but at least it would be better than just working the terrible job and sitting on my ass all day.

So, yes, I received an email today informing me that they liked all my stuff and the interview went well and BOOM I will be writing blogs for The Borgen Project!

I should be starting that in about a week, and I’m very excited. I am really starting to think 2013 could be a good year. Maybe not the year where everything turns around for me, but at least a year that acts as a stepping stone or something.



Gloom & Doom

I’ve been so exceedingly gloomy the last few weeks.

Gloomy. Vampires probably live here. Real ones, not that sparkling, flat-faced bitch.

Gloomy. Vampires probably live here. Real ones, not that sparkling, flat-faced bitch.

It doesn’t help that I found out that my trip to Ireland won’t be a paid vacation even though my year is up at this job in October because the company goes January to January with benefits.

And that they are working me to death and paying me shit for it. I’m quite literally a specialist in two departments and a cashier and still only get cashier pay with the only chance of a raise in October, which will be a whopping 2% of what I made in the last year…

And that people all around me are getting better jobs and getting married and moving and all of that.

I had reached a certain level of contentment earlier in the year. There was a point I had come to where I was like “oh it doesn’t matter that my job is terrible and I don’t make any money because I have a great life outside of work.”

But then that died the last two weeks.

I think I’m back on the track to being okay again, though.

Planning this trip to Ireland will really help keep me from going nuts. I just have to remind myself that each shift that I work and each day that I spend there is one drop of cash closer to going to Ireland. Because, while the trip itself is already paid for ($999 a person for 6 nights and 7 days including a rental car, hotels, and airfare), we still need spending money for food and gas and trinkets and pasties. Plenty of pasties. Actually, I just like the way that Irish people say that word.

So I’m thinking of starting a separate blog for my adventures there. We got a fancy ass camera (Canon Rebel T31) so there will be tons of pretty pictures to post. And Steven and I literally can’t go anywhere without some sort of misadventure. Especially if it involves a car.

I think I shall start it soon and go through the whole planning and countdown process as well. Won’t that be fun?

Hmm. I think I'll get white girl wasted while I write this bullshit piece on the must see aspects of...where am I again?

Hmm. I think I’ll get white girl wasted while I write this bullshit piece on the must see aspects of…where am I again?

And in connection to this new blog I’m going to take a class starting in June on Travel Writing. It seems a little hopeless to think of getting a job in something like that. Lot’s of people want to do it these days because they think that they will get to take a lot of free vacations (which is a lie) and get paid to have fun (also a lie). But I do think it could be interesting and maybe bring a lot more life and professionalism to the blog itself. And maybe I’ll be realllllllly lucky.

You never know.

On that note, I need a really catchy name for the travel blog. I was thinking of doing something related to the traveling gnome since I’m (legally) a little person. But then I figured that has been waaaaay over done. Thoughts?

2013:Year of the…?

2013 new year sparkler     Originally, I’d had high hopes for the year of 2013. I had this feeling that I was going to  do really cool things and make the most of my life, no matter what.

I’m a little torn on how that is turning out.

On one hand, I’m still working at the grocery store. Only now, I have three departments fighting over where I work every week.

On the other hand, I’ve Seen Flogging Molly with Skinny Lister in Charlotte and Mindless Self Indulgence in Atlanta. I’ve gone to the Atlanta Aquarium, gotten the boyfriend a super fancy new camera for our anniversary, and…we are going to Ireland in November.

Those are all really super things, I think.

But there’s that damn “job” getting in the way of everything. I had reached this point of contentment where I was okay with what I was doing as long as my outside like was rich and fulfilling. But it is getting to the point, once again, where I spend so much time at work and all of that time is miserable that it is becoming difficult to separate one part of my life from the other with any real success.

So I wanted to look into some tips for keeping yourself sane when you’re closer to 30 than you are to 20 (or past that, even) and still working a dead end job.

  1. Turn your phone off or to silent. This may seem like a no-brainer to some people and it may seem like an impossible dream to others. But everyone needs time to unplug their brains and not handle calls from work or desperate text messages from someone trying to get rid of their shift.
  2. Actually unplug. People are SO connected to everyone and everything all of the time these days. When I’m waiting for something or standing in line I automatically pull out my smart phone and start scrolling through Facebook, even if I just looked at it and no one has posted anything new. Or rather, they posted something new but it was just a share of that same stupid picture that has been going around for weeks or a site begging Like “BLABLABLA” if u luv ur mom. And, ain’t nobody got time for that. We need to remember to let our brains cool off from all the overwhelming, and constant, information. A quiet mind leads to a happy mind.
  3. Find an addiction. A healthy addiction. Whether that’s yoga or running or stretching or meditation or whatever. Find something to focus your mind on that allows you to become more connected to your own body. Focusing on that not only makes you physically healthier, but mentally as well.
  4. Join a group, club, volunteer organization. Too frequently I realize that I only have 2 friends and my boyfriend. ALL of the rest of my face to face human interaction is with coworkers and customers. This is enough to make anyone start to question their insanity. Especially once you start holding conversations with the flowers that you’re cutting or the candy that you’re stocking…
  5. Remember that if you are at a dead end job, like a grocery store, that no matter how much you need the money, it is just a job. It is just a grocery store, restaurant, creamery, factory, whatever. Nothing that you’re doing is life-altering to anyone else. They might think that it is…but it isn’t. And while this can be depressing, focus on the fact that this lack of real responsibility leaves you free to take classes, hang out with friends, plan a trip to Ireland, and not given any shits when a customer screams in your face.

10 Items or Less

I have just started watching 10 Items or less on Netflix at the suggestion of my grocery store coworker. I have to say, that he was right. This show is a pretty good display of my current life. There was a point a few weeks ago when I was working in the floral department. Jamie, a manager at the time, came up to me and said, “Ah, you’re working over here? I need you to do me a favor.” I assumed that there was some kind of flower or gift situation that needed my attention. We walk over to the door and he continues, “Well, the door keeps opening and closing. I need you to figure out why and come find me when you do.” Really? Is this in my job description? Okay, whatever. So I plant (hah!) myself in front of the possessed door and look meaningfully into the motion sensor. It glides open. I keep standing. It glides closed. Open. Close. I move to the other side of the door. Open. Close. Open. Close. I keep staring into the motion sensor. Daring it to release its secrets to me. The produce department had been watching my antics. They come over and proceed to stare into the door with me. Open. Close. Jacob, the courtesy clerk comes over as well. Open. Close. Meanwhile we all continue to walk inside and outside the store. I’m sure that the customers, if they even noticed anything so far away from the free coffee samples we serve, were all very confused by the large group of people trekking back and forth. Eventually everyone else went back to their respective departments and I managed to figure out that a display of absolutely charming and probably very well-made dog ornaments was the culprit. Jamie and I shoved it to one side. Voila! The door was no longer possessed.

This shows me that the things on 10 Items or Less really do happen.

There’s a gentleman on the show named Buck. He is the newest member of the

The resemblance is uncanny!

The resemblance is uncanny!

grocery store, Greens and Grains, and is a full-time cashier. I fully relate with this man. When I first started there was a little bit of resentment among a few people over the fact that they wanted to have the full-time position and I just waltzed in and took it. Granted there wasn’t a physical confrontation like on the show. But, I was questioned pretty thoroughly by a number of the other cashiers about my status in the store, the last job, my age, how much I was getting paid, and a few other things. I also sort of felt like I had walked into a rather dysfunctional family that was just a wee bit incestuous.

I now feel as though I am a part of this family. But sometimes I really do have to raise my eyebrows in wonder. Or concern.


Auld Lang Syne

Well it’s pretty apparent by this point that we have all survived the apocalypse foretold by the Mayans. So I guess that means that I have to seriously start considering what to do with my life. I had kind of been holding off. You know, just in case I woke up on the 22nd of December and the world was in ruins. I had a plan for starting a motorcycle gang to rule the post-apocalyptic world like Road Warrior. And I was ready for a zombie take-over. But slacked on making a plan for the world continuing as it always has and having to come to terms with turning 26 and working at a grocery store.


This still seems like a pretty solid concept.

Last year I made a bucket list of sorts. Stuff I wanted to get done before the

Oink. oink motherf*cker.

Oink. oink motherf*cker.

world came to a halt and I had to shave half of my head, put on my leather ass-less chaps, and steal a hog. A bike, that is, not a real hog… In the true manner of bucket lists, I only got some of the stuff done. Lack of money or time prevented some of it from happening. Sheer laziness the rest. So the this year I’ve crafted a slightly more realistic list and transferred some of the unfinished business of 2012 over to this year. I won’t bore you all with entire list of my soon-to-be failed life accomplishments. But I will highlight a few of the more exciting things.

At the top of my list, the very first thing, is to find a new and improved job. Quitting my management job was on the 2012 edition. That was thrust upon me pretty forcefully in August. I had also wanted to find a better job. But, that had to be one of the transferred over to the new list. I’m a bit more optimistic about my odds this year as I’m starting in the first month of the year, as opposed to the 8th. Still a little pessimistic due to the horrible job market and my general lack of actual useful skills.

I also want to take some sort of wilderness survival class. One of my larger fears is being stranded in the wilderness with no knowledge of how the hell to make myself stay unmauled by a bear, unstarved to death, and undestroyed by the various elements. I mean, I couldn’t even start a fire without a lighter or dry matches. I have no idea how to make a shelter or which plantlife is less likely to cause me to die of something like dysentery. I am, however, totally aware of the fact that moss grows on the north side of a tree, most of the time. And that I’m supposed to hang my food in a tree to keep bears and such away from it. Other than that, I’m screwed. So I feel that it would be most fortuitous of me to pay someone a vast sum of money to tell me what I need to be doing.

I would also like to start eating and drinking more healthfully. I don’t eat nothing but fast food. But I could definitely work harder at incorporating healthier foods into my diet. The biggest issue will definitely be drinking more water and less caffeinated crap.  I have a slight dependency on caffeine and sugar. And I absolutely prefer carbonated to flat beverages. This is easily remedied with seltzer water. But seltzer doesn’t wake me up in the morning. Or keep me awake when I’m half way through a shift and need a little pick-me-up. Apparently green tea is good to drink to wake you up and pretty decently good for you. I’ll have to test it out, but frankly I’m not overly positive it will replace my beloved sodas.

The rest of the stuff on the list involves stereotypical “working out more” and all that. A few of them simply hold personal significance. I know resolutions are silly and allow you to place the blame on something else if you fail to make good on your promises. But I like to think of the list as less of a promise than a compilation of things I am hopeful about. Here’s to a better year than the last.

Ghost Firing.

So this was too funny. I know it has been a thousand years since I wrote. Or a month, really, but mess has been nuts. This incident prompted me to write, though.

I accidentally fired a former employee of mine today.

I was sitting at the bar in my boyfriend’s place of work and decided to text my old coworker/sort of boss to see if he wanted to hang out. He told me that he was working a double because he firedone of the other people. Well I am friends with this guy and I was concerned, so I texted him and it went a lot like this:

“I heard you were fired, I’m sorry!”
“What?””Chris told me you were fired!”
“Well he should call me because he hasn’t told me anything.”

Opps! So I had to text Chris and ask why he didn’t tell Coburn because I totally just did and therefore I technically fired him…

It’s about to get a little rough for my friend Chris since he’s going to have to tell his boss what happened and he could either be like “whatever” or like “RAHHH WHY DID BLABLABLA.” Knowing my former boss, my bet is on the second reaction. Glad to be starting the new year right! Four months away from the place and I’m still running it.

Well… Christmas IS a holiday…


Merry ChrismaHannuKwanzica?

This is a post by one of the people I know from college: “To those of you who don’t know, I consider my self a Christian. I believe in the teachings of Peace and Love of Jesus Christ. As a Christian I will be celebrating Christmas, not the Holidays. This whole PC bullshit is irritating and the fact that I am not welcome in Target because I asked someone to wish me Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays (we got in an argument is the rest of that story) is too far.”

The post actually goes much further than that. Going into how he respects all his friends and their religions and therefore they should respect his desire to be told Merry Christmas. He also mentions in a comment that the cashier told him “Happy Holidays” and that he told her he preferred “Merry Christmas”. Apparently she was  “pissy” about not doing  it, at least in his words. She expressed the fact that she didn’t like that he was forcing his views on her. So he responded… He called her, as he puts it, a word that “starts with C and rhymes with punt”, told her she has a candy cane up her ass, and that he hoped she was crushed to death in a Christmas shopping rush


I’m sorry. WHAT.

Cashiers should really do the best they can to avoid being rude. Part of the job is dealing with difficult situations and when you excel at that you get promotions and more money. It’s what you sign up for, sadly.  I find that laughing when people say horrendous things usually prevents me from launching myself at them or stringing together several choice words that are inappropriate for the work place. But, there have been times (especially in the last month) where I absolutely have to mumble under my breath and force myself to not make eye contact because the person is being so heinous and so rude that if I were to look up I would lose my job in about 15 seconds. People really think that the cashier (as well as other employees of the business) are their personal employees. People honestly believe that they are always right because dammit the customer is ALWAYS RIGHT. One day I am going to go back in time and beat the person who came up with that phrase right before they speak it for the first time. The public has absolutely clung to that absurd nonsense and flung it in the face of every customer service representative in history ever since.

Given all that, not once have I had anyone treat me the way that my old college acquaintance treated that Target cashier. Anyone who wished death on me would have more to worry about than getting thrown out of the store and that’s a fact. Fear of losing my job would be so far out of my head at that point…

I did respond to his post. Stating that I think it’s great he can respect his friends and all that. But that to expect a cashier in a store to bend to his whims on a personal level like religious preference is a bit absurd. There are corporate rules at every single place I have ever worked that specifically prevent you from wishing anyone anything outside of “Happy Holidays” ever. No matter what they say to you. Yes, being PC is a pain in the ass for some people. But gosh it is a lot easier than getting the pants sued off of you for wishing the wrong person to enjoy the wrong holiday. Do I think it’s stupid that people get bent out of shape for being wished a merry christmas instead of happy hannukah? To an extent. Do I think it’s stupid for people to throw a temper tantrum reminiscent of the terrible twos in a Target because they believe in jesus and want that belief reinforced by other people telling them that they want them to have a good time celebrating the day that religious figure was supposedly born? Yes. I do. Overall I think everyone just needs to chill out. Enjoy celebrating whatever it is you may or may not celebrate in December. Be thankful to be alive, with family or friends or pets, and in a time and place where one of our biggest complaints is that the cashier wished us the wrong kind of damn holiday cheer.

That’s what the holiday season is supposed to be about across the board, right? A time of being thankful and happy and giving. Appreciating the past year and looking forward to a fresh start in the next. Providing the world doesn’t end on the 21st, anyway.