Auld Lang Syne

Well it’s pretty apparent by this point that we have all survived the apocalypse foretold by the Mayans. So I guess that means that I have to seriously start considering what to do with my life. I had kind of been holding off. You know, just in case I woke up on the 22nd of December and the world was in ruins. I had a plan for starting a motorcycle gang to rule the post-apocalyptic world like Road Warrior. And I was ready for a zombie take-over. But slacked on making a plan for the world continuing as it always has and having to come to terms with turning 26 and working at a grocery store.


This still seems like a pretty solid concept.

Last year I made a bucket list of sorts. Stuff I wanted to get done before the

Oink. oink motherf*cker.

Oink. oink motherf*cker.

world came to a halt and I had to shave half of my head, put on my leather ass-less chaps, and steal a hog. A bike, that is, not a real hog… In the true manner of bucket lists, I only got some of the stuff done. Lack of money or time prevented some of it from happening. Sheer laziness the rest. So the this year I’ve crafted a slightly more realistic list and transferred some of the unfinished business of 2012 over to this year. I won’t bore you all with entire list of my soon-to-be failed life accomplishments. But I will highlight a few of the more exciting things.

At the top of my list, the very first thing, is to find a new and improved job. Quitting my management job was on the 2012 edition. That was thrust upon me pretty forcefully in August. I had also wanted to find a better job. But, that had to be one of the transferred over to the new list. I’m a bit more optimistic about my odds this year as I’m starting in the first month of the year, as opposed to the 8th. Still a little pessimistic due to the horrible job market and my general lack of actual useful skills.

I also want to take some sort of wilderness survival class. One of my larger fears is being stranded in the wilderness with no knowledge of how the hell to make myself stay unmauled by a bear, unstarved to death, and undestroyed by the various elements. I mean, I couldn’t even start a fire without a lighter or dry matches. I have no idea how to make a shelter or which plantlife is less likely to cause me to die of something like dysentery. I am, however, totally aware of the fact that moss grows on the north side of a tree, most of the time. And that I’m supposed to hang my food in a tree to keep bears and such away from it. Other than that, I’m screwed. So I feel that it would be most fortuitous of me to pay someone a vast sum of money to tell me what I need to be doing.

I would also like to start eating and drinking more healthfully. I don’t eat nothing but fast food. But I could definitely work harder at incorporating healthier foods into my diet. The biggest issue will definitely be drinking more water and less caffeinated crap.  I have a slight dependency on caffeine and sugar. And I absolutely prefer carbonated to flat beverages. This is easily remedied with seltzer water. But seltzer doesn’t wake me up in the morning. Or keep me awake when I’m half way through a shift and need a little pick-me-up. Apparently green tea is good to drink to wake you up and pretty decently good for you. I’ll have to test it out, but frankly I’m not overly positive it will replace my beloved sodas.

The rest of the stuff on the list involves stereotypical “working out more” and all that. A few of them simply hold personal significance. I know resolutions are silly and allow you to place the blame on something else if you fail to make good on your promises. But I like to think of the list as less of a promise than a compilation of things I am hopeful about. Here’s to a better year than the last.


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